I really wish I could just focus on E, my other children, my husband, and cleaning up my %$^$^# house right now. I feel cheated. I don't want to focus on my own health, wallowing in my depression. I want to be
doing, not simply being. I want to work on a garden for E, go on fun excursions with the other children during their Spring Break, take long walks with the dog, wallpaper my foyer with a nice
toile, and just live life. Instead, I lie in bed most of the day with moderate pain, insomnia alternating with a level of catatonic states, and most recently an awful case of hives.
I wasn't done grieving for E. I know I never will be done. But, I wasn't ready to focus on
this. I know, I'm pitiful. I'm hoping to snap out of it. Reading all your blogs helps connect me to other humans. So, please keep writing about yourselves -- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Also, if you get the chance, stop
here and pray.
Thank you.
P.S. I'm also reading this
book. I give it a thumbs up so far. :)
Posts
7 comments:
The toile looks neat and very traditional. Don't worry, you'll get to it one of these days...
I checked out Stellen's site for the first time earlier today...so gutwrenching. I've added he and his family to my prayer list. Thanks for sharing their link.
Hang in there! You are NOT pitiful. You are recovering from having part of your body TAKEN OUT! Please try not to be so hard on yourself...though not a doctor, it seems to me that IN BED is where you SHOULD be! You're entitled for goodness sake!
I know as mothers we always find guilt about things, and it's easy to feel like we're "slacking" or not giving 100% to our DHs and kiddos. I understand that you must be feeling this tenfold while you are recovering, but OM---you are a wonderful mother! Please don't doubt your wonderfulness while your body is taking time to heal.
(Sorry for such a long comment.) Hugs from Florida!!
Hey! you are about 5 minutes post op. No wonder you feel rotten. Please give yourself this time to heal. It will pass and you will feel better. Promise. And the grieving, well of course you aren't done, but right now, you need to just be where you are.
Lecture over.
Sorry.
Thinking of, and praying for you. xxxxx
I was just thinking about you today. I was having a rough toddler day, along with grief, and was wondering how you are doing. I only have one kiddo, am healthy (physically), and barely holding on some days.
You have a lot going on, be gentle with yourself. Ignore the dirty house for a while, focus on your healing.
PS How does the thyroid, or lack of it, effect your energy and mood? I know that it influences metabolism. I can only assume that your body is going through a huge change.
Oh yeah, the blizzards and snow aren't helping either I bet.
I am so sorry. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I pray you can feel E strengthening and lifting you. You are truly amazing, even if you don't feel like it! You are!!
It sucks. Moms want to focus where their hearts are- their children and their husbands. When we are sick, we can't and suddenly the attention shifts from our babies to us. I'm sorry. Soon, though, you WILL be fully recouped and you can get back to E's garden, to your house (and mine's pretty %^&*$*& too!), your little ones at home, and your hubby. Take care of you right now. It's the quickest route back to where you feel better.
Give yourself this time. You need it. You are a wonderful mother, never doubt that. I know God is right there holding your hand through everything. He will help you to heal in time. I agree with all - take care of you right now. In time, you will get to all those wonderful things you want to do. Especially a garden for E.
oh, dearest, I know exactly what you are talking about and I'm not even dealing with thyroid cancer. this sucks and I feel unsure if I will ever move forward and there is so much to do, ugh, hang in, praying for and loving you.
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