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Tomorrow is my sweet little boy's fifth birthday. For years, I think I denied my own special feelings for O when other moms described how different they felt about their boys, or how different they imagined they'd feel raising a boy. I probably thought that feeling different somehow meant I loved O more than I love my girls. I never felt comfortable comparing my love for any of my children. It just didn't seem fair.
Today, I will tell you that my love for O is different. I can't put my finger on it, but when that little boy kisses my hand (as he did today before I left to get groceries), changes the subject to the possibility of a moose landing on my head when I discussed my impending surgery, or tells me he loves me literally one hundred times a day, I just melt. Somehow, I feel guilty writing that. Believe me, I love my girls more than I can describe. But, I cannot deny there's something different about O.
I began the layout for this blog in April 2008. I planned on blogging about life as an educated, intentionally unemployed stay-at-home mom. I never wrote a word. In November 2008, my fourth child was born still. Because I lost my precious baby girl, my blog specifically evolved into: life after losing a child to stillbirth. P.S. Four months later, add cancer to the subject matter.
About Me
- Mommy (You can call me OM)
- Stay-at-Home Mommy; Wife; Attachment Parenting Follower; Animal Lover; Daughter; Sister; Catholic; Yogi; Lawyer (according to the Bar Examiners, anyhow!); Perfectionist who can't even come up with a satisfactory description because it just MIGHT have an error
Life Events
Feb 1973
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My Blog List
Blog Archive
A Small Victory
Please click to help bereaved parents
Have you lost a child to stillbirth?
Helpful Links & Advocacy
- A Small Victory
- Butterfly Haven
- First Candle
- Glow in the Woods
- International Stillbirth Alliance - Research
- Light a Candle
- Lost and Found
- March of Dimes
- My Forever Child
- Office for Prevention of Prematurity and Stillbirths
- SANDS - PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS AWARENESS & SUPPORT
- SHARE - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group
- Silent Grief
- Stepping Stones
- Still No More - News Articles
- Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network
- String of Pearls
- Sue-Ella Signatures
- Sufficient Grace Ministries
- Thomas's Story
- Tommy's
- UK SANDS
My blog map
7 comments:
Happy Birthday to O! Sons are special!!! I have been thinking and praying for you. I wish I could care for you by making you a cup of delicious warm ginger tea with love and making you put your feet up. How are you hanging in? Sending my love-
Happy Birthday O! Sons are a very special joy in a mother's life (but then, all kids are). And, no matter how much we might wish otherwise, we love each child differently because they ARE different.
Hoping and praying your treatment and surgery go off without a hitch.
What a sweet post!!
Let me tell you - I have a friend who's pregnant with her second. She reeaaaaly hoped for another girl. She likes girls; she knows what to do with girls. Well, of course its a boy :)
So I've tried to tell her that I understand her feelings - I too was "scared" of the thought that I'd have a boy, just because I wouln't know as much about him! UNTIL. . . I found out about sweet little A. And that little boy already had me wrapped around his fingers. I cherished him so much, and I can honestly say that I hope to have another little man in my life again. It was so different and so wonderful - and I never even got a chance to raise him! I can only imagine your feelings toward O are a thousand-fold :)
Happy birthday to your sweet boy! Can't wait to hear what you all do to celebrate.
Happy Birthday to O!
I'd bet money that you love O differently not because he has a Y chromosome, but because he's a different person. Do you really love your two daughters in exactly the same way?
Happy Birthday O! And little boys are special. xxx
Happy Birthday, O! Little boys are special (just like little girls are special to their daddies in a different way). It's great that you have such a close relationship!
Yea for boys! You are raising a sweet, caring, and connected boy too. I always remind moms that they are raising someone's future husband and father--not just a son. Very lucky girls in his future grown up life ;-). Boys have such a different energy than girls-- I could tell from my pregnancy with Little One and as an aunt to 7 nephews. Happy birthday to O!
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