First Meeting

Fairy Godmother "FG" visited today. I wasn't certain I'd see her because her in-laws wanted to spend a lot of time with the new baby and show her off to their friends as well. Fortunately, FG and the baby sneaked away for lunch.

While running errands this morning, I ran into a mutual friend of mine and FG's in-laws. Mutual friend didn't mention (as I discovered later, via FG) that immediately prior to seeing me at the grocery store she had coffee with FG and met the baby. Mutual friend is considerate like that. She knows about E and she knows how FG and I were excited our babies would be so close in age. She probably figured it was best not to make a big deal about their visit. (I wouldn't have been upset. But, mutual friend is considerate nonetheless.)

FG and baby picked me up for lunch. As we walked inside the Mexican restaurant, with FG carrying baby in baby's carrier and me carrying FG's presents, FG turned to me and asked if it was hard for me to see baby. I hesitated, contemplating whether to answer truthfully or not. I decided on truth. I said, "Mmmmm. Yes. But, I am so happy for you. It's harder when I see strangers' babies or when I see acquaintances who don't know about E or have presumably forgotten. I wish E was here. And, I am grateful your baby is here."

I was relieved FG brought up the 'elephant in the room' at the beginning of our visit. I wasn't necessarily going to bring it up because I wanted to focus on FG and her baby, not on the fact that E wasn't here. With that out of the way, we were able to focus on FG's birth story, how she's adjusting to life with baby while balancing joint custody of three step-children, plans for the summer, etc., etc.

Before leaving with FG, I told N (my two-year-old) I was going somewhere with FG and her new baby. N said, "My baby?!" I told her, "No. A different baby. FG's new baby." N sadly put her head down and said, "Oh. My baby died." I told N, "Yes, sweetie. Our baby died. We're sad. But, we're happy for FG." N said brightly, "I see FG's baby?!" I said, "Yes, sweetie. You will."

I wasn't sure if seeing FG's baby would trigger the aforementioned comments from N again. N didn't say anything when FG picked me up, but upon our return N said, "Your baby? Our baby died." FG needed a bit of translating (step-children have left toddlerhood) and I explained what N said. We gave each other sad looks and I said, "Hopefully we'll give her another baby sibling one day. Once my blood work is normal." FG was happy to hear that and she shared with me that she already wants another baby! I thought that was cute and we both agreed she better wait until her first gets through early infancy to start trying. While I've heard of siblings as close together as 10 months, I wouldn't wish that hormonal roller coaster on anyone. :) But, FG simply wants to be sure she gets the most out of her reproductive window.

I realize, now that I lie in bed and type this, that I wasn't dealing with seeing FG's baby as well as I thought. After FG left my house, the puppy got out for the fourth time today. As I tried patching the fence with a temporary fix using wire fencing and plastic stakes, I dropped a brick on my foot. The brick was supposed to pound the stake into the ground, yet it somehow ended up pummeling my foot. Apparently, my mom (who visited today) turned to my husband and said, "Does she realize how far her screams travel? The whole neighborhood could hear that." He said, "Oh, that? The neighbors are used to it." Huh.

After the brick incident, N and I decided to take a nap while my husband and the other children went to buy new fencing. Upon his return, he asked how I was doing. He said he knew seeing FG would be hard. But, we agreed FG deserves the happiness a new baby gives. We are happy for her even through our own tears.