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I believe every person in my house is sick. As a matter of fact, even the puppy puked last night (although, that might have something to do with him eating a pillow). L went to the 'quick clinic' on Monday - ear infection. O has sounded like a coughing goose for a week and he slept until noon today. N is on steroids and several nebulizer treatments a day for horrible wheezing and coughing. My husband caught some sort of bug from all three of them, so he's stuffed up and exhausted.
My husband went to bed before 9 PM last night, but he said he awoke around 11 PM and could not sleep again until after 3 AM. He said he 'wrote' and he emailed me his writings. I assumed he wrote something for his work blog and wanted me to edit it, so I didn't check my email until I knew I'd have time to edit his work. Hours after he told me about the email, I checked it.
Upon opening my husband's email, I discovered his 'writings' had nothing to do with work. He spent hours pouring his heart out to E, sharing his thoughts and feelings about her with me. His words brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. My husband and I talk about E daily, but it's usually summed up something like, "This really sucks." His writings detailed everything he loved about E from the moment she was conceived, to when he held her in the hospital, to today when he wishes he could see her. He wishes he could dream about her. He wishes she would grow up to drive him crazy. He asked her to guide him in death since he wasn't able to guide her in life (although, he said he didn't plan on dying anytime soon -- I'm sure that was inserted for my benefit).
I am thankful my husband put his thoughts and feelings into words. I know he carries a lot of weight on his shoulders. I feel that I'm useless a lot of days. He picks up the slack for me on a daily basis, when I no longer have energy to cook or break up sibling disputes. And, he is our only financial source. I wish I could contribute more. I wish I wasn't so limited in my physical, emotional, and just overall energy levels. I hope that one day soon I'll be able to give him the break he deserves.
I began the layout for this blog in April 2008. I planned on blogging about life as an educated, intentionally unemployed stay-at-home mom. I never wrote a word. In November 2008, my fourth child was born still. Because I lost my precious baby girl, my blog specifically evolved into: life after losing a child to stillbirth. P.S. Four months later, add cancer to the subject matter.
About Me
- Mommy (You can call me OM)
- Stay-at-Home Mommy; Wife; Attachment Parenting Follower; Animal Lover; Daughter; Sister; Catholic; Yogi; Lawyer (according to the Bar Examiners, anyhow!); Perfectionist who can't even come up with a satisfactory description because it just MIGHT have an error
Life Events
Feb 1973
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My Blog List
Blog Archive
A Small Victory
Please click to help bereaved parents
Have you lost a child to stillbirth?
Helpful Links & Advocacy
- A Small Victory
- Butterfly Haven
- First Candle
- Glow in the Woods
- International Stillbirth Alliance - Research
- Light a Candle
- Lost and Found
- March of Dimes
- My Forever Child
- Office for Prevention of Prematurity and Stillbirths
- SANDS - PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS AWARENESS & SUPPORT
- SHARE - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group
- Silent Grief
- Stepping Stones
- Still No More - News Articles
- Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network
- String of Pearls
- Sue-Ella Signatures
- Sufficient Grace Ministries
- Thomas's Story
- Tommy's
- UK SANDS
My blog map
9 comments:
Firstly, hoping for a quick recovery for you all. Secondly, thank you for sharing with us about your husband. What a beautiful thing to do. He sounds like a good guy. And as for you, you need to be kind and patient with yourself. You will get there. Recovery is slow and when i think of what you have been through, I'd be in bed all day with a pillow over my head. xxxxx
It breaks my heart. My hubby has always tried to be so strong for me, but there were times I would sit back and get a glimpse of the suffering he was dealing with as well. Hugs.
Oh, OM, I hope everyone starts feeling better in the Overeducated House.
Your husband's writing sounds incredibly rich and important. How amazing that he took this time to write and then share it with you. There are some things that are best expressed in the dark of night, alone, and on the page.
OM, I know that I don't know your daily life, but I know you are an amazing mother and wife. Our contributions aren't always financial or even physical (cleaning and cooking), but a mama's kiss and love is very important. This blog post makes it very clear how very much you appreciate everything your husband does on a day-to-day basis, and on a larger level, as a partner. That makes a little extra weight feel a whole lot lighter. It is beautiful to witness. Much love. XO
Oh, Mr. OM.
Daddy grief is much different (I know the comments, "It just sucks" and "It is just so sad")and they spend so much time trying to take care of us. I'm glad he was able to sit down and express his sadness and share it with you.
Hope everyone is feeling better.
What a sweet gift.
I hope you and your family heal quickly.
Absolutely beautiful; what a precious man you have. Just knowing that he thinks of them too (in some way beyond "this sucks") brings me so much comfort - reminds me that I'm not alone :)
I'm so hoping everyone gets to feeling better soon. It's time for you guys to catch a break!
How lovely that he not only wrote it but also shared it with you. So lovely...
Sending healing energy to your fam and hoping everyone gets well soon!
I am glad he shared it with you. I know my husband thinks about our daughter often, but finds it hard to express his true feelings. It breaks my heart when he does.
I wish my hubby would write, talk or whatever about our loss. That is a gift that he gave you, very sweet. Sorry, I haven't been around to check on you, life is the usual. Hopefully by now you are all feeling better. Sending you my love. I totally agree about Jon and Kate, ugh, stupid, seriously!!!
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