Control

Thank you to all of you who read, pray, comment, or all three. I know it helps me and helps keep me sane (or perhaps makes me sane). :)

I've again realized that not everything remains or ever was within my control. I saw my Endocrinologist today. The good news is it appears the cancer is gone (there is always an outside chance it's still in a lymph node here or there). Based on a bunch of data my doctor plugged into his computer and my opposition to radioiodine treatment, I require no further treatment. Also, the odds of the cancer spreading elsewhere in my body remain slim.

My odds for recurrence could be high, based on the malignancy of most of my lymph nodes that were removed during surgery. I'll undergo ultrasound exams every six months in order to monitor nodule growth.

My blood test revealed hypothyroidism. My TSH was 26.0. The 'normal' range is 0.3-5.0. If you're lost, as I was, higher TSH means lower thyroid. (Perhaps my blog friend, DO, could chime in with a more accurate explanation). My doctor said, "I can tell just by your face that you are hypothyroid." Huh? What do I look like? "Kind of bloated." Nice.

I asked what other symptoms I might notice with hypothyroidism (besides 'fat face') and he said dry skin, low energy, constipation, and depression. Check. Check. Check. Check. And, weight gain. Check.

I told him about my grandmother-in-law who sent me such a nice note, comparing her Graves disease to my cancer (because, you know, neither one of us has a thyroid anymore). She told me "not to worry -- you'll just get fat." Thanks. I told my doctor I thought this was ridiculous. I figured if my hormone levels are properly monitored, I'm not doomed to be fat. He agreed with me.

I was disappointed, yet relieved when my doctor told me to wait a few months before trying for another baby. Disappointed because I'd love to safely try again. Relieved because I needed somebody else to confirm that I'm not crazy for worrying. He agreed I could get pregnant, but hypothyroidism could cause issues I just won't allow myself to type.

So, my Synthroid has been increased and I'll test again in roughly two months. I'm frustrated it takes that long before a blood test can reveal a change in TSH. Again, I'm brought back to 'not within my control.'