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I have news, but not necessarily answers. My blood tests came out fine. The ultrasound showed several nodules on my thyroid. The radiologists don't think the nodules appear worrisome, but they don't know for sure. Thus, I'll see a thyroid specialist next Thursday for further evaluation.
I'm relieved everything appears fine. But, I'm not feeling entirely off the hook. For one thing, they don't know what the nodules are. Second, this could very well be the reason E died. I don't know how I feel about that. If it is the reason, it doesn't seem very concrete. Maybe I'm searching for impossible answers. I think I just want my daughter back in my arms.
I began the layout for this blog in April 2008. I planned on blogging about life as an educated, intentionally unemployed stay-at-home mom. I never wrote a word. In November 2008, my fourth child was born still. Because I lost my precious baby girl, my blog specifically evolved into: life after losing a child to stillbirth. P.S. Four months later, add cancer to the subject matter.
About Me
- Mommy (You can call me OM)
- Stay-at-Home Mommy; Wife; Attachment Parenting Follower; Animal Lover; Daughter; Sister; Catholic; Yogi; Lawyer (according to the Bar Examiners, anyhow!); Perfectionist who can't even come up with a satisfactory description because it just MIGHT have an error
Life Events
Feb 1973
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My Blog List
Blog Archive
A Small Victory
Please click to help bereaved parents
Have you lost a child to stillbirth?
Helpful Links & Advocacy
- A Small Victory
- Butterfly Haven
- First Candle
- Glow in the Woods
- International Stillbirth Alliance - Research
- Light a Candle
- Lost and Found
- March of Dimes
- My Forever Child
- Office for Prevention of Prematurity and Stillbirths
- SANDS - PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS AWARENESS & SUPPORT
- SHARE - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group
- Silent Grief
- Stepping Stones
- Still No More - News Articles
- Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network
- String of Pearls
- Sue-Ella Signatures
- Sufficient Grace Ministries
- Thomas's Story
- Tommy's
- UK SANDS
My blog map
8 comments:
Oh, I so understand. We want answers, but . . .
When we first learned of my blood clotting disorders I cried and cried. I thought I would be glad to have answers - but it hurt too much to feel that everything was my "fault" and that it could have been treated. Then when we were told that the clotting disorders *may* have been the reason, but we can't say for sure - well - that didn't help at all. I wanted to tell them just what they could do with their less-than-concrete reasons, you know what I mean!?!!
I hope the specialist is able to shed some more light on things. This must be very frustrating.
I hope you find the answers you want, or need. I just want you to feel some peace. I'm thinking of you!
BB, I completely know what you mean. I thought I wanted to know what caused E's death. I still don't know. But, if it turns out it's my thyroid, did I really want that? Especially if it's not for sure -- or worse, if there's nothing they can do about it for future pregnancies.
Thank you to you both for your well wishes. :)
loving you and praying for you, e's death was not ur fault either way!!!! it just happens and it sucks, i know because i keep asking why and sometimes there really isn't an answer but HE is still in control and He knows and I'm trying to get to the place where that is ok. . .
I don't know about this "answers" road either. Like Bluebird, it is hard to know-- or to not to really know.
Hope your feeling ok (whatever ok is these days) and thinking of you.
Thinking of you as you continue on the road of looking for some answers. Wishing with you that E. was in your arms, not in heaven.
I'm sorry you don't have any answers yet. I know that finding out won't bring back E, but somehow it seems to help know why it all happened.
I kind of kick myself for not doing more to learn about Emma's death. The nurse automatically said cord accident because it had been wrapped tightly 3 times - and I took it for truth. Now I worry because we didn't get an autopsy or any further testing.
I hope you find out more soon. I'll be thinking of you.
Sending you a big hug. I wish you had E back in your arms, too.
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