Oh, Facebook!

"The Shower" will soon be a thing of the past. But, until then, this is what I deal with:

Dear OM:

I just wanted to make sure you rec'd the invite I mailed out a couple weeks ago. Do you think you can make it? I am going down on Friday (T knows I am coming, but she does not know that others are coming on Sat for the shower) If you want to go down on Sat there are people up here that are going and I am sure you can carpool with them if you wanted. Let me know and I can hook you up. We are also planning on getting hotel rooms on Sat, so if you wanted to go in on that too, let me know.

I hope you can come!


My response:

Thank you for contacting me and I really do appreciate the invitation, especially for the carpool. But, I just can't do it. I'm trembling just writing this note. So, I suppose if I can barely handle talking about a shower, I definitely couldn't handle attending one.

Losing E has been the hardest experience of my life. Holding her perfect little body and burying her days later has made me a different person. After first losing her, I thought I'd be able to see pregnant women and babies and simply see hope and life. But, three months later, I can barely think about such things without feeling sick.

E's due date was March 17. Because I delivered O 2.5 weeks early, I actually expected her to arrive anytime from the end of February until her due date. I'm an emotional wreck right now.

I've told T that I want to support her, but I don't think I can handle large groups (I didn't let on about the shower). I will see her when she visits. I want T to enjoy her pregnancy and baby without worrying about the crazy lady (me) running off to cry.

Again, thank you for thinking of me. I'm sure it was a difficult decision to make whether or not to invite me.

Update
The response to my response:
Hi OM:

I am so sorry if this invitation made this time even harder for you. I definitely did not want to make you feel bad, but did want to include you in case you were up for it. I completely understand you not being up for the shower.

I can only imagine how hard and emotional the last few months have been. You are in my thoughts during this difficult time.

Take care

My response to that response:
M,

Absolutely do not feel badly about inviting me. I am happy you included me. It's such a difficult time for not just me, but for others who simply try to do the right thing.

If you could just let T know that I want to be there for her, but I just couldn't handle a shower, I'd really appreciate it. T deserves all the joy in the world. I'm glad you organized this shower for her, especially since she doesn't have to travel. I know that's the last thing I'd want to do in the last few weeks of pregnancy.

Thank you for your kind words, M. I could use some prayers. I'm much more functional these days, but grief is such a roller coaster. Some days it just hits me like a brick.