The (incomplete) List

I think it's time I come clean. Call it my Lenten reconciliation in blogland. I just have a lot on my mind, so I'm going to list what I can remember:

1. We have debt. A lot of debt. My student loans. Credit cards. Mortgage. Vehicle.
2. My husband is in a dead end job. Fortunately, he's a shareholder in the dead end company. Unfortunately, the owner is really dragging his feet on giving my husband his requested buyout so we can move on with our lives.
3. My husband goes to an out-of-state conference next week, leaving me with our three living children for the first time since we lost E.
4. My boople hurts.
5. I weigh more than I feel comfortable weighing. Between N and E, I lost 30 pounds. I'm not up to my all time high, but I'm somewhere in between. I don't like it. But, in the back of my mind, I also wonder if I lost E because I weighed less than my other pregnancies.
6. OK. This one is tough. I feel crampy. We actually had sex for the first time last Saturday. I haven't gotten my period yet. I did a bit of tracking, and I should have gotten my period by today. I think I'm OK with either result, period or pregnant. I wanted to be absolutely positive I had my mental ducks in a row before trying again and I also wanted to get a bunch of house projects done before trying, but I think I'd be happier with a pregnancy than a period.
7. My boople hurts.
8. My house is a sty. A pig sty.
9. My vehicle is also a pig sty.
10. My hair is turning gray.
11. I still get acne, randomly.
12. I want chocolate and wine, but I gave them up for Lent. I was starting to think I was an alcoholic chocolate freak.
13. I get angry too easily, too frequently, and too explosively.
14. I have receding gums. I get to go to the dentist on Monday. I never dreaded the dentist until six months ago, when I was diagnosed with receding gums. I might now need sedation.
15. I think I'm going farsighted. I'm already nearsighted.
16. Our roof leaks. We got a new roof last summer after a hailstorm. Our old roof did not leak. The deadbeat contractor is well, a deadbeat.
17. My attention span rivals that of a tick.
18. I have an ear infection. And a sinus infection.
19. Last night, I told my mother I was struggling with this whole grief thing. Today, she didn't even mention it. But, she did go on and on and on about some work conflict of her own. And money. And a lot of random shoving of guilt onto my plate.
20. My organizational skills, meal planning skills, and time management skills do not exist.
21. We got a flat tire tonight. See number 1.
22. I'm too tired to think of more, but I know they exist. That bugs me.
23. I just checked the appearance of this post, and Blogger still gives me these freakin' flowers. I wanted numbers. I hate these flowers.
    

Thank you for reading my rant. Please do share some of your own.