Stupid Medical Support Staff

I'd like to share one of my experiences following E's delivery. I don't know why the negative experiences stand out right now. There are many positive ones I could share. Perhaps it has something to do with my attempting to nurse my puking two-year-old back to health all day.

Nonetheless, here's the story:

I mentioned in a previous post how NP Amy has been incredibly supportive and gracious in caring for me and my family. Unfortunately, her support staff oftentimes do not follow suit. The clinic/hospital where I received care for this pregnancy is perhaps considered inferior to the other world renowned clinic in town. However, Inferior Clinic (IC)'s hospital maternity is favored by many in the community because they offer private birthing suites, versus the cattle barns of World Renowned (WR) clinic. This is why I chose IC.

Like I said, many people favor IC. But, WR is a major employer in town. WR doesn't fully cover medical care at other facilities. Most people in town work at WR, thus most babies are born at WR. The few of us who are employed elsewhere sometimes elect to go to IC. However, the majority of IC's clientele are underemployed or unemployed. Perhaps that has something to do with how some support staff treat clientele.

When I went in for my appointment to screen for cancer and other potentially undiagnosed ailments, I was first greeted by NP Amy's nurse.

Here's the exchange:

Nurse - "Why are you here?"

Me - (Thinking - "Why are you asking me this? Don't you read the chart? I know NP Amy said she'd let the nurse know why I was there.) Saying out loud: "I haven't stopped spotting since delivering my baby."

Nurse - "When did you deliver?"

Me - (Thinking - "Oh, God.") Saying out loud: November 3.

Nurse - "What's the date of your last period?"

Me - (Thinking - "WTF?") Saying out loud - "That's hard to answer, considering I've never stopped spotting (then I guessed at what I thought were the dates of my last period, but wasn't really sure).

Nurse - "How many babies have you had?"

Me - (Thinking - "Is this really happening?") Saying out loud - "Four." (As I started to cry).

Nurse - "So, you have four children?"

Me - (Thinking - "You are a bitch. Where is NP Amy?") Saying out loud while crying: "Yes, but my last one was stillborn."

Nurse - "So, are you doing OK?"

Me - (Thinking - "Oh, yeah. I'm great. Especially after talking to you.") Saying out loud: "No."

Nurse - "So, that's why you're here?"

Me - "Yes. And, I think I have cancer."

Nurse - "Why do you think you have cancer?"

Me - (Thinking - "What kind of crazy twilight zone have I entered? Doesn't she have something better to do than play doctor?") Saying out loud - "Because I don't stop bleeding."

Nurse - "Oh, honey (in more of a trucker tone of voice, than a comforting voice). That's not cancer. That's hormones. You don't bleed when you have cancer."

Me - (Thinking - "You are a fucking idiot. Who gave you this job? Are you seriously attempting a diagnosis, you fat ass?) Saying out loud between sobs - "Really?"

Nurse: "Yep."


If you're still with me, prepare yourself for worse.


Nurse: "So, do you know if Amy wants to do a Pap? STD testing?"

Me: (Thinking - "Good lord, woman. You are a piece of work. Read the chart! Where is NP Amy?) Saying out loud - "I don't know."

Nurse: "Do you need to be tested for STD's (as she lists off every specific STD known to man)? I better get the STD testing stuff out."

Me: (Thinking - "I just might kill her.") Saying out loud - "No."

Nurse: "So, you're married?"

Me: (Thinking - "Surely, I could plead self-defense.") Saying out loud - "Yes."

Nurse: "Is your husband faithful?"

Me: (Thinking - "It must be a really slow day for this sadistic woman.") Saying out loud - "Yes."
Nurse: "As far as you know! Right?"

Me: (Thinking - "Get me out of here. I don't need this. Yes, as far as I know my husband is faithful. Sure, statistics might lead one to believe that EVERY man cheats. But, come on! Isn't losing my baby enough for today? I have no reason to believe my husband would ever cheat. But, thank you for pointing out the possibility.") Saying out loud: "I don't need an STD test."

Nurse: "Okey dokey."