Other Babies

Considering I've written nothing of substance for over a week, it's fair to say that Anonymous shook me up a bit. I've felt timid expressing myself these days. I don't want to present my life as one big tragedy because it really is not. But there are things I just can't say in real life and I need to get them out of my system somehow, so I write them here knowing that most of you either 'get it' or at least can empathize. So, here I go again. :)

Before I was even born, my mom became friends with 'Jo' and 'Lo', a married couple with three daughters (one of their twin girls died before or shortly after birth; one twin lived, with severe hearing loss; the youngest daughter was born healthy). The youngest daughter, 'Sandy', is by far one of the sweetest, most compassionate human beings I know. She drives great distances to help friends move or to be with them during difficult times. She opens her house to anybody and everybody, whether they need a place to stay or just a home cooked meal.

Sandy and I are not very similar, at least not in the ways society groups each of us. Sandy is married to an alcoholic who spends most of his time in their garage where he drinks a lot of beer and watches a lot of TV. However, Dan can be a sweetheart. He'll drop everything to help somebody out of a tough spot. But, Dan isn't always present for his own three daughters (ages 24, 20, and 17) who periodically seek out their dad within the confines of the garage.

Apparently when your dad ignores you and chooses beer over helping you with your homework, you end up making choices that make your own life more difficult. 'Steph', the 24-year-old, became pregnant at age 18 or 19. Steph married her boyfriend (whom was permitted to live with Sandy, Dan, and all the girls for several months before getting Steph pregnant) when the child was about a year old. Steph had another baby about a year and a half later. Throughout the majority of their marriage, 'Jake' has either been unemployed and living in Dan and Sandy's basement or driving a truck cross country and seldom seeing his wife and children. Currently, Steph and Jake's marital status vacillates between married and not living together, separated, divorcing, dating, married, divorcing, etc., etc. I know this because it's broadcast on Facebook every few days.

'Sue', the 20-year-old, started dating her first boyfriend less than a year ago. Not long after E died, Sandy informed me that Sue was newly pregnant. Sandy's initial email to me stated that Sandy was very happy about the pregnancy. When I responded, I said that I can understand being happy about new life and all . . . but. Sandy quickly retracted and said she meant to add a 'not' before the 'very happy', but Sue is her daughter and she needs to stand by her. True. Shaming Sue and making her life more difficult would not fix this. But, why do Sandy and Dan make it so damn easy for their girls to get into these situations in the first place? They permitted both Steph and then Sue's boyfriends to either live with them or at least spend several overnights in their daughter's beds. Perhaps if there were no other younger siblings learning from their older sisters that mom and dad will 'stand by you' when you get pregnant at a young age, this cycle would just stop.

You might think I'm this over zealot conservative lunatic because I think it's ludicrous that Sue never attempted to be discreet about her pregnancy. She posted about it on Facebook immediately after peeing on the stick. Granted, this was within weeks of E dying and I was feeling like lashing out at anybody who was pregnant. But, come on. When you're twenty years old, unemployed, uneducated, unmarried, and living in your parents' basement, is that really the time to get pregnant and boast about it on Facebook?

About a month ago, Sue was hospitalized for pre-term labor. From the moment she got to her hospital room, she bitched about being there. Need I remind you that Sue is unemployed, unmarried, and she has no other children of whom to take care? I was and still am livid because Sue was either too self-centered or too ignorant to realize that when a baby is 26 weeks gestation and the mother shows signs of labor, it's probably best to stay very close to medical personnel.

When Sue was discharged a few weeks later, she bitched about how long it was taking and that the 'stupid doctors' were saying they weren't comfortable with sending her home. If I heard those words come out of a doctor's mouth, I'd keep my butt in that hospital bed. For crying out loud, my baby died and nobody knew enough to prevent her death. Sue's baby is given the opportunity to live and develop with the help of medical personnel, but Sue fights as if she's being unlawfully detained. Ignorant. Narcissistic.

Today I logged into Facebook to discover that Sue's baby arrived last night. Less than a week after Sue fought her way out of the hospital and bitched about every 'stupid' doctor appointment thereafter. The baby was about 29 or 30 weeks along by this point. She's in the NICU. I'm grateful she's alive. I only wish her mother realized other babies die.