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We've all heard of, witnessed, or even become "those people" who display their Christmas decorations and lights on their houses far too long. I even know somebody who hit a point of no return, like August, and decided it'd be best to just leave them up for the upcoming Christmas.
If you drive by our house, you won't see Christmas lights, Christmas wreaths, or Rudolph haphazardly propped up in the yard. Instead, our white Cape Cod is adorned with shrunken pumpkins, dried corn arrangements, and orange lights in the bushes.
In many ways, our lives stopped on October 30th when we discovered E died. In some ways, living in the "Halloween house" brings embarrassment. Sadness. In other ways, it's comfortable. I can pretend that Halloween is on its way and E is safe inside me. I suppose once the snow clears completely, I'll get outside and put Halloween into storage. Right now, I choose to live in the fantasy that trick-or-treating is just around the corner.
I began the layout for this blog in April 2008. I planned on blogging about life as an educated, intentionally unemployed stay-at-home mom. I never wrote a word. In November 2008, my fourth child was born still. Because I lost my precious baby girl, my blog specifically evolved into: life after losing a child to stillbirth. P.S. Four months later, add cancer to the subject matter.
About Me
- Mommy (You can call me OM)
- Stay-at-Home Mommy; Wife; Attachment Parenting Follower; Animal Lover; Daughter; Sister; Catholic; Yogi; Lawyer (according to the Bar Examiners, anyhow!); Perfectionist who can't even come up with a satisfactory description because it just MIGHT have an error
Life Events
Feb 1973
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My mother gave birth to me
March 1996
Adopted our "first baby" - our dog, H
Jan 1998
My husband and I married
Jan 2002
I gave birth to my first child, L
July 2003
Adopted our cats, S & L2
Mar 2004
I gave birth to my second child, O
Sept 2006
I gave birth to my third child, N
Dec 2007
Our "first baby" - our dog, H, died
Oct 2008
Adopted our dog, C
Nov 2008
I gave birth to my fourth child, E, born still
March 2009
I was diagnosed with th.y.r.oid ca.nc.er
My Blog List
Blog Archive
A Small Victory
Please click to help bereaved parents
Have you lost a child to stillbirth?
Helpful Links & Advocacy
- A Small Victory
- Butterfly Haven
- First Candle
- Glow in the Woods
- International Stillbirth Alliance - Research
- Light a Candle
- Lost and Found
- March of Dimes
- My Forever Child
- Office for Prevention of Prematurity and Stillbirths
- SANDS - PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS AWARENESS & SUPPORT
- SHARE - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group
- Silent Grief
- Stepping Stones
- Still No More - News Articles
- Stillbirth Collaborative Research Network
- String of Pearls
- Sue-Ella Signatures
- Sufficient Grace Ministries
- Thomas's Story
- Tommy's
- UK SANDS
My blog map
10 comments:
What is the saying, "if you don't laugh you cry" -? I have to say I chuckled a little at this post :) But its only because I soooo can see myself doing the same thing. We lost the babies in November, and haven't decorated since. No Thanksgiving, no Christmas (and we usualyl go allll out for Christmas). . . I thought it was because it was just too much effort - and it was. And I thought it was because Christmas is a holiday for children - and it is. But it as also partly because - if I didn't recongnize the passing of time - maybe time wasn't passing at all. New Years' was the hardest. No decorations, of course, but still - you couldn't ignore the tick of the clock this time.
Anyway :) No point to this comment, I guess I just wanted to let you know that I understand. ((Hugs))
I'm with Bluebird on this... I was laughing. Laughing cause I get it and a lot of us are there too. My child is still wearing Halloween shirts in March for the same reason.
The calendars in our house are still set to Feb 1st. I bought another one for Feb 16th. And then, in November, one for Nov. 23rd. No harm in being caught in a place that is safer...
Everything in its own time, right? When the time is right, you will know. Until then do what you need in order to function day to day. I have not experience what you all have, but life hits us all in unexpected and crazy ways. The best we can do is the best we can do.
I can totally understand where you are coming from here :)
Isn't blogging incredible? Can you imagine how crazy we might all feel, if we didn't have each other saying, "I get it" or "I know where you're coming from"? Instead, we just shake our heads and nod in agreement. I love it!
I understand how this is comfortable. I kept a receipt from lunch on the day (evening) we found out B.W. died. It was our last meal in blissful ignorance - he was probably gone by then. It's one of my last truly happy memories of my pregnancy with him.
This is why we ran away for the holidays this year--nothing like spending Christmas in Vegas to deny the passing of time! That place is so surreal, it could be any month of any year and you'd never know it. I agree with Natalie, I love it that we have this outlet for sharing things that in the real world might seem bizarre but here they seem quite normal indeed.
We lost the girls right before halloween, we turned the lights out and didnt pass out candy, we just hid in the house, and gave all of our candy to the neighbors to hand out. . Halloween was always a favorite holiday for me, I am not sure how I feel about it now.
We didnt even decorate for Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years, we just tried to get through the days.
Anyway, I just want you to know that I understand.
u r precious!
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